hello to all. been a while since i've posted,just wanted to drop in for a moment and share with you a most precious moment in my life.
i lost my mother last january a year after dad died.mum had an issue with dementia of some sort so they said, had to be put her in a nursing home she didnt enjoy it too much had been used to living in her own home doing the things that she loves gardening, sewing,cooking,as mothers do but the authorities seemed to know better i was away working couldn't help much and didnt find out until it was too late to do anything about it,oh she is a danger to herself they would say and i must admit that at first i found it difficult to deal with this disease when someone becomes forgetful even just to do or converse with and it use to upset me very much until i could see it for what it was and don't get too caught up in it just see it for what it is but they dont come with anymore resilience and toughness than her she wasnt going to have any of that I want to go home my home why wont they let me go i want to die in my home?. she knew her time was getting close and although i tried to make her life as enjoyable as possible by picking her up and taking her for an outing or going home and spending the afternoon there just hanging out as often as she was up to it and she always was..
it came very quickly once it took hold the last day i took her out we went back home got in the driveway and she asked where are we and what are we doing here, and where is your father?.... so thinking about how to explain i took her to the cemetary to visit dad's grave, she was so non attached we sat by the fountain and i took the opportunity to express my gratitude and say thankyou as i had many times as i knew she may have forget so just as a reminder to her and dad for everything they had done for my sister and i the sacrifices they made comming out to a foreign country from italy leaving their family behind for a better life on the other side of the planet not knowing the language just a strong work ethic and a loving family....Life is not always easy she said but you just have to do what is in your heart no matter what..hm thankyou ma havent we heard that before
three days later i recieved a call from the nursing home telling me that she had taken a turn for the worse system is shutting down may not see the day out,,, what i said just like that,, i was going to come down tomorrow,,,, well she wont make it,,,, i said you don't know my mother she will not go anywhere until she see's me its 105 degree's 2 in the afternoon i have a 120 km drive with two dogs its going to be tough in the heat i,ll be down first thing in the morning..
when i arrived she was unable to do much i kissed her held her for a while tld her i loved her and it ok everything is ok and she looked at me and in that soft whispery voice said my day's are numbered my beautiful son,,,i couldn't hold back the tears it was the most beautiful and touching moment as she died right there,,,,she waited for me and left me with the most precious gift of all....
i sat in our house empty within those walls contemplating and grieving the echo's of laughter and tears the memories,,,they live only in my heart now, the work and effort they did, you cant take it with you and for a while i thought about how everything i love dies its been a tough couple of years loosing best friends and family but i know that nothing really ever dies everyone moves at their own pace just dont take anything for granted,we know that dont we it's just that we forget so easily,(sorry for being presumptious in saying we i shouldn't be speaking on behalf of anyone i should just say i) funny how the meaning is driven home when we are living it we can speak our words and express but the knowingness is where i now find peace. Sometimes nothing has to be said other times best to let it out and let it in,,, thakyou ma thankyou for everything thankyou universe thankyou for sharing the gift that i am thankyou bulletin board for always being here in my moment of need i love you all from the heart as always ......joe
Hi joe... I just read a book. It sais that nothing happens without that we are planning. Even the death is something we plan when we notice that this life has reached its goal. We decide on our own to choose a life and the lessons to learn for growing (with the help of guides and higher developed beings) and also the death is planned. We are not victims which are "put" in this life but we were willing to have this experience. On the other side we can see more clearly what we need to learn and decide for a life with conditions which will make it possible. So is with your mother. She's a powerful being (belonging to the same source like everyone and everything) who chose to live and to die. So giving thanks is really the best thing one can do. And there's one thing more one can think about a person who died: It is forgiving. She had plans to learn from different experiences. She sees herself now in the light of wisdom and forgiving. She knows that she's not being blamed for things she didn't "learn" of what she planned. She sees herself purely without judgement and knows there will be another life and chance to grow for the things she didn't learn. It can be only like this: when we don't learn everything we planned we will give another try to make it better. It is difficult to "grow and learn" on the other side where one knows about oneness. So we choose this life to come to a better understanding...So one can only give blessings for what "seemingly" happens and be in joy and happiness.
thank you for your posting. I'm sending love into this space of openness and vulnerability. Keep writing. I am certain, your mom is right beside you. Nele
Good morning Joe - I am sooo moved, so happy and so sad reading your post. What a gift of language you have. Thank you for including all of us in your loving memory. Happy Valentine's dear Joe. Patricia
Thankyou you burake,nele, and patricia, for your words,, sometimes in our hussle and bussle of every day life its easy to become distracted and forget and unless i make some joe time to remind myself to breath say thankyou and focus then it is easy to take everything for granted,,,i know that ultimately there really is no separation and i just have to look in my heart and i coax the beautiful feelings out and as i walk amoungst nature i share my secrets with the wind..
i'm not complaining or fearful,its just those beautiful tender moments of pure love lift me to such a blissful plane and once i feel it even for just a fleeting moment move me so much that i,m never the same..no,i'm not afaid of death i think it's actually quite liberating in a way i felt that when mum died i remember thinking she's at peace now and probably doing better than we are although dad must have something to say about how his time of peace would be over. not that i'm in any hurry to get there but i think i understand a little bit more...
Ah yes valentine's day thankyou patrica a day of love isn't that just the best reason to celebrate, hope you get spoilt do you have anything special planed for that day bet you will get swept off your feet fed chocolate all day and told how special you are. nele,is it the nele the wonder woman whom i havnt heard from in ages went on an amazing journey to malta i think perhaps a quest wow that sounds also so romantic,if not i apologise nele if i have mistaken you but thankyou for your loving thoughts and also to you burake, please maybe you could tell me a little of yourselves it will help me conect a little better this family keeps growing it's so wonderful i havn't been here for a while but i always gravitate back home so to speak.. Although things are falling into place now and am making me the priority i'm scared to say that i want to be a little selfish but i've had this issue about learning to love myself i've had a thing about unworthyness but i'm getting better i want to spoil myself a bit i've allowed others to take much i always found it difficult to say no because i wanted to prove that i am a good person or i am worthy of love and always i would end up drained giving more and they would keep taking but thats what i thought how it was, i forgot, i didnt know about boundaries its ok to say no and that i will not allow to be treated like that.....anyway it's an ongoing thing it's a bit new to me but i so want to nourish my spirit.......thankyou again bless you all......joe
Dear Joe, I am not the Nele who went to Malta, although a couple of days ago I talked to a friend who wants to settle there I I want to go there and visit one day.. All one..
I saw a movie just last night and I was very moved by it. "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" It is beautiful and has the same message as your posting, saying you make yourself the priority now.
Much love to you a let us know how your new life is unfolding. Nele
Hi joevee, Did you read the article about colours? There aireal gave some advice for colours in case of lost of a beloved person...It is always a difficult time and it can be a help to you...I on my own try to remember in difficult times what P'taah always says. It is this: we are all worthy and we all live in a beautiful, safe, loving universe. If we have doubts about us, if we judge ourselves, if we are afraid about what is going to happen tomorrow we can only remember us who we are: we are beautiful expressions of the source and worthy of anything beautiful. We never ever made a mistake. The time we waist with being sad and in sorrow is only wasted time. When we are in the joy, in the bliss of the moment nothing can really bother us. It is not always easy I know. But we can give it a try. Even small steps in creating peace and joy and harmony are very important. It cannot be that we have choosen a life with which we cannot really deal with. It is about being innocent, being in trust, being in the belief of beauty and worthiness. When we simply choose beauty the universe will reflect us also beauty. By just choosing we can change the universe we live in...This is the theory which we can put into practice...This is why we are here...
